sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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