Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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