I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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