I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
