she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
