Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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