It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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