Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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