Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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