Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
