Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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