Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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