I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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