he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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