She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize