Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
