I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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