I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
