I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
