Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
