I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
