In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
