I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
