I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize