glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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