honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My life is pants optional.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
