I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
