I can text with my tongue
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
