The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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