I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
