having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
