Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
