At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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