I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
