It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
