loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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