Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
