You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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