I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
