Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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