Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
