remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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