Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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