My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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