SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
