Where did you get a picture of my penis
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
