So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
