if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize