I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
