i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As shirtless as possible
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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