3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
