All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
