he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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