i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just pee around me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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