i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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