when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
COCAINE IS GR8
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
