i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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