Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
