i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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