you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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