White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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