Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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